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I Dated A Starfish (Spongebob Squarepants Fanfiction)
I Dated A Starfish Synopsis - Through a strange occurrence, Squidward winds up with Patrick for a date. Characters Spongebob Squarepants Squidward Tentacles Patrick Star Gary The Snail Waiter Kids Bubble Bass Chinese Fish Old Man Jenkins Larry The Lobster Jellyfish The Story The story begins with Squidward walking outside his house around Noon Time getting the mail. SQUIDWARD: Hmmm, bills, bills, bills, bills, bills & bills, or should I say garbage. Squidward finds a late Valentine from his mother. SQUIDWARD: “For my Squiddy Buns.” Oh my goodness, if I got this at work, my life would be over. Squidward finds his latest magazine order & finally another late valentine, but this time it is secret. SQUIDWARD: Wait who sent this? Squidward puts on his bifocals. SQUIDWARD: “For my special little squid guy.” Oh this must be Squilvia! Oh how cute! But I’m an octopus. Squidward continues to read. SQUIDWARD: “Meet me at the Burger Bashers for a dinner date this evening…. Your secret admirer.” Huh, I thought Squilvia said she was a vegetarian.. oh well.. better get ready! Squidward heads back for his house but is spotted by Spongebob who exits his pineapple house going to take Gary for a walk. SPONGEBOB: HEY SQUIDWARD!! SQUIDWARD: Spongebob, I have no time to talk with you! I have to get ready for a dinner date! SPONGEBOB: Dinner date?! Can I join?! SQUIDWARD: Sure! SPONGEBOB: Really?! SQUIDWARD: No!! Not in a decade! A century! Or even this millennium! Squidward angrily stomps into his house and shuts the door to get ready since evening is close. SPONGEBOB: Oh well, let's continue the walk Gary. GARY: Meow The scene cuts later in the evening where Squidward had finished a shower and is now heading to his recumbent bicycle. SQUIDWARD: Finally! I can spend a Friday night out and about rather than laying down on my bed and using cable TV to watch the Westerns. Squidward bikes down the street, past three intersections, past Shady Shoals, over three bunny hills & around four U-Turns. He finally arrives in front of Burger Bashers. SQUIDWARD: Squilvia! Squilvia! I’m here! Squidward sees almost nobody. SQUIDWARD: Huh? Where can she be? Squidward then feels a tap on his shoulder and turns around to see Patrick blushing in a black tuxedo. SQUIDWARD: PATRICK! What are you doing here?! PATRICK: Oh I just came to get a bite to eat! With my secret admirer! Patrick blinks his eyelashes and Squidward realizes that he was the one that sent the Valentine. SQUIDWARD: NO! NO NO NOOOOOO!!! I am not spending a night out with a lightweight like you! PATRICK: But I’ll pay for the meal! With my Welfare! Or is it food stamps? SQUIDWARD: No! PATRICK: I’ll let you order first! SQUIDWARD: I’m not hungry! PATRICK: I’ll romantically stroke your tentacles & polish your big nose for you! SQUIDWARD: Never happening! Not even in your dreams! Patrick then takes out a ticket he had got for a Kelpy G concert. PATRICK: I’ll give you my Kelpy G ticket because I hate reform jazz! Squidward groans since he can not turn this down wanting to have gotten into a concert since his toddlerhood. Squidward then takes a seat on a table outside. PATRICK: YAY! Some quality time with my neighbor! SQUIDWARD: Bleh! A waiter then walks up. WAITER: May I take your order? PATRICK: I’ll take three cheeseburgers, two large onion rings, another double cheeseburger, a large order of potato fries, some tic tacs & a big bowl of melted cheese! Oh and two Colas! The waiter writes Pat's order down. WAITER: And you? SQUIDWARD: Water PATRICK: Squidward silly! We live in water! SQUIDWARD: Grrr… some apple juice then! WAITER: The starfish's gargantuan order & apple juice coming up! Uhh… are you two like old High School friends or something? SQUIDWARD: Yes, totally. PATRICK: No! I’m on a date with him! Right Squidward? The Valentines! Squidward bangs his head on the table and the waiter giggles slightly but gets ahold of himself and goes to get the orders. Squidward goes to try and pass the time by surfing the web on his phone. Patrick notices. PATRICK: What’re doing?! SQUIDWARD: Leave me alone. Patrick just takes the phone further angering Squidward. PATRICK: Pfft, hahaha! You like searching old classic 1920's record players? Boring! SQUIDWARD: That is quality music birdbrain! PATRICK: Yeah! For 90 year olds! Squidward considers flipping the table over in anger but manages to keep his cool. The waiter finally returns with the order. SQUIDWARD: That was fast. PATRICK: It's a fast food restaurant. SQUIDWARD: Right WAITER: Eat up lovebirds! Teehee! Patrick devours all of the stuff he ordered while Squidward sips on a small Apple Juice cup. Patrick lets out a huge burp while Squidward plugs his nose to avoid smelling it. The waiter then hands them a bill. SQUIDWARD: $30?! Ripoff! WAITER: Pay up! Squidward groans and decides to pay knowing that Patrick never made money in his entire life. The waiter leaves & the two get ready to go. SQUIDWARD: Glad this is over. PATRICK: No it's not! Patrick reveals a long list of places he wants to visit with Squidward. Squidward feels like gauging his eyeballs out. The two then arrive at the Reef Cinema. Squidward just gets some m&m's & Patrick gets two large tubs of popcorn with extra butter & cheese. SQUIDWARD: Well I guess I could see a movie. I have been wanting to see the new one called Two Fort. PATRICK: Two Fort? But that is a historical movie! I don’t like history! SQUIDWARD: Well do you have any other ideas then?! PATRICK: One Barnacle! It is in Theater 2! SQUIDWARD: But that's a kids movie! PATRICK: Yes let's go!! SQUIDWARD(being dragged): I hate my life!!! Squidward & Patrick enter Theater 2. The movie starts after some commercials. A little barnacle gets a coconut to the head, pierced with flowers & then gets farted in the face. The theater is full of young kids that all laugh or cry obnoxiously. Patrick also joins in on the laughter & crying while Squidward has a very mean look on his face wanting this night to end already. After One Barnacle finishes, Patrick's next destination is the comic book store. PATRICK: So if I rebuy Comic Issue # 674 of Mermaidman & Barnacleboy, I can receive #675 & #676 in mint condition in return? BUBBLE BASS: I would go with this offer or say lose your Nerd Weekly subscription? Patrick takes money out of an annoyed Squidward's wallet and pays Bubble Bass to get another copy of this comic issue. BUBBLE BASS: Thank you for your patronage starfish. And Squidward, I heard you are spending the evening with him! That means you have lost all your credibility! Patrick & Squidward exit the comic book store. SQUIDWARD(about Bubble Bass and punching his fists): I’ll show you loss of credibility! Patrick literally gets all he can eat at a Chinese Food Buffet while Squidward shakes and hides on a chandelier after some Chinese fish mistaken him for a plate of Calamari. Patrick has fun taking a sponge bath and laughing with Old Man Jenkins, who is also bathing, under a freeway while Squidward much to his dismay is forced to make bubble soap. Patrick plays darts at a garbage dump but all of the darts end up on Squidward one way or another. Patrick goes skinny dipping at Goo Lagoon Beach while Squidward is forced to cover Larry The Lobster's eyes from this disturbing sight. Patrick does the Hokey Pokey outside a huge nest of Jellyfish at Jellyfish Fields. Squidward tries to escape jellyfish but is pinned down and stung after being splattered with honey by another jellyfish. Finally, it is nearing to midnight.. Patrick strolls up to Squidward's house all energized while Squidward sulks up to it all exhausted, bruised & looking unpleasant. PATRICK: I had fun with you tonight Squiddy! SQUIDWARD: And I didn’t. PATRICK: Great input! Hehehehe! Squidward angrily kicks his door open. SQUIDWARD: Now I’ll be getting to bed before the clock strikes midnight and before I have to go to work tomorrow! GOOD NIGHT! PATRICK: Wait Patrick pulls out a quarter, a deadbolt & googly eyes out of his pocket.. eventually he finds what he was looking for, the Kelpy G ticket. PATRICK: Here SQUIDWARD: The Kelpy G ticket! PATRICK: It's the least I can do for you making me have such a fun night! Thank you so much! Now… time to go to bed in my underwear! Patrick rolls over to his rock while grabbing some bug spray. PATRICK: I am also going to stop sea spiders! Patrick enters & shuts his rock. Squidward looks at the ticket & then the rock surprised and happy that Patrick lived up to his promise. SQUIDWARD(only because, of the payoff): Maybe this wasn’t so bad after all! Squidward then takes a look at the ticket and his eyes drop.. this Kelpy G ticket is not for the 2018 concert but instead is a now expired ticket from 1997. SQUIDWARD: PATRICK!!!!!! Category:SquidwardTentacles35